“Feedback is the breakfast of champions”
Unfortunately, like a good breakfast, you need to be able to digest it, for it to be useful.
Accepting feedback is often difficult, even when people try to be tactful and use a method like DESC or OFNR, many of us tend to reject the feedback; “the person doesn’t know me”, “I was having a bad day”, “the situation wasn’t easy”, “it’s only their perception”, etc.
We are often surprised by the feedback; surprised by the fact that someone has spotted something we already know about.
We become angry, angry because we know we should do something about it, but haven’t.
We reject the feedback; this is a natural defence mechanism, part of us is feeling attacked and we defend ourselves by rejecting the feedback.
If we can learn to accept the surprise, accept the fact that someone has shown the courage to put their finger on something that I, quite probably, know I need to change …….
If we can learn to accept the feeling of anger; often anger with ourselves for not having done something about it sooner ……
If we can accept that we are being defensive; defending our personal pride from outside attacks ……
If we can accept the surprise, anger and rejection; then maybe we can accept the feedback itself.
The majority of people when giving feedback, do so with a positive intention.
I’m not talking about the toxic few who will come out with stuff like, “your presentation was crap”, “you are a waste of space” or “you are always going to fail”.
I’m talking about those who have spent the time to get their factual observations together to describe what happened.
Those who have taken the time to formulate how they felt about the effect of what they saw.
Those who want to help you find a solution.
Those who will help you to implement something to help you grow and develop.
Giving feedback is not easy for many people; being able to accept the feedback will make it easier for them.
Being able to use DESC and OFNR (and others) is great, but if you want to become a champion you need to be able to accept SARA.
I help people to develop their interpersonal skills, usually within a leadership or teamwork context. If you are looking to develop your leadership, I might be able to help. I’ve been doing this for 35 years; roughly three and half thousand days of seminars, workshops, conferences, coaching, offsites, etc. – put back-to-back that makes almost ten “full” years.