Feedback may be the breakfast of champions, but not everyone knows how to makes eggs over easy that do not give indigestion
Being open to receiving feedback is not always easy, we all go through the Shock Anger Rejection Acceptance cycle; with some getting to Acceptance quicker and more often than others.
To make the feedback “digestible” it needs to be prepared and served correctly; not too greasy & not too dry and not too hot & not too col.
Some hints & tips when giving feedback:
Prepare your feedback; be clear about the “event” you want to talk about, be clear about what you want to say and how you are going to say it
Avoid being judgemental, avoid saying things like “you were very aggressive” or “you were very rude” – use “I” statements, “I found you aggressive and rude”
Avoid speaking for others, “everyone was upset with your behaviour” – unless, of course, you have checked with everyone.
Avoid generalisations such as, “you never listen” or “you never take into account what others say” – be factual, “yesterday, I had the impression that you were not listening to others” for example.
Avoid mixing feedback; “you don’t listen to others, but you are very creative” – this can give the impression that being creative somehow makes up for not listening to others.
Don’t give feedback in public as this often leads to a defensive response from the recipient.
Don’t wait too long to give feedback after an event; what happened needs to be relatively fresh in each person’s mind.
Explain why you’re giving this feedback; setting the scene before getting into the details will help to lower and defence mechanisms
Make sure the person is open and ready to receive the feedback; don’t try giving feedback when someone is highly focused on something and pressed for time.
Use the Situation-Behaviour-Impact model as a guide. Describe the specific situation in which the behaviour occurred; keep the description short and succinct, give observable descriptions of the behaviour in question and describe the result of the behaviour and how it affected you and maybe others.
Use the 3 “R’s” Reviewing, Rewarding & Recommending and avoid the 3 “C’s”; Criticizing, Complaining & Condemning.
Make someone’s breakfast, a breakfast not to be forgotten
I help people to develop their interpersonal skills, usually within a leadership or teamwork context. If you are looking to develop your leadership, I might be able to help. I’ve been doing this for 35 years; roughly three and half thousand days of seminars, workshops, conferences, coaching, offsites, etc. – put back-to-back that makes almost ten “full” years.